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alt_fen[The Mummers file into the room. They're wearing big robes made from cast-offs, with strips of cloth charmed on higgledy-piggledy; one robe probably also incorporates a lot of single socks. The characters wear silly cloth hats and masks.]
All sing:
We are the guising lads,
We're all of a single* mind
This night we come a-guising
Good nature for to find
This night we come a-guising
As it doth appear
And all that we are guising for
Is frogs and butterbeer!
Hind-Before:
In comes I, old Hind-Before
I comes first, to charm open the door
I come with my wand, all trusty in hand
I comes with me potions and jovial notions!
Christmas comes but once a year,
and when it do, it brings good cheer,
Roast goose, plum pudding and Christmas pie,
and who likes that any better than I?
For we are the merry actors that traverse the street
We are the merry actors that fight for our meat
We are the merry actors that play the pleasant play
And if you don't believe what I say,
Come in, St. George, and clear the way!
St. George:
In come I, St. George, a wizard of courage bold
And by my trusty wand I won ten thousand Galleons gold!
'Twas I who killed the Manticore and sent him to the slaughter
And by that means I woo'd and won the king of Egypt's daughter.
And if you don't believe what I say,
Come in, Bold Slasher, and clear the way!
Bold Slasher:
I am a warrior bold.
Bold Slasher is my name.
And with my trusty wand
I mean to win one game!
St. George:
Ho, ho, that man that comes under my hand,
I'll hex him to smithereens
And send all the pieces over the sea
To make into Bertie Botts beans!
Bold Slasher:
My head is made of brass,
My body made of steel,
I mean to have one victory
Before I leave this field!
St. George:
A battle, a battle, between you and I
To see which on the ground shall lie!
Bold Slasher:
Guard yourself, defend from harm!
I hope you know your countercharms!
[They flourish their obviously fake wands and mock-duel, using outlandish and non-existent spells. One favorite is casting Cone of Cod, in which a rain of (illusory) fish shower down on the target. Finally, Bold Slasher casts an absolute tongue-twister of a fake spell, with a dainty comedic pirouette accompanied by pink and purple smoke. St. George falls, miming that he has been zapped dead and petrified.]
Hind-Before:
Alas, alas, look what you've done!
You've hexed him down like the setting sun!**
Alas, you've killed my son and heir
Who lies enspelled and smoking there.
[Everybody looks. Bold Slasher waves the smoke away and coughs a bit.]
Is there a Healer can be found
To cure my son lying on the ground?
A Healer, a Healer, to do his part!
St. George is petrified to the heart!
A great big paperweight he doth be.
Ten thousand Galleons can't cure he!
Healer:
What give for a Healer?
Hind-Before:
Ten Galleons?
Healer:
No such money.
Hind-Before:
Ten Sickles?
Healer:
Shan't come!
Hind-Before:
Five Knuts and a couple of stale sugar quills?
Healer:
In comes I, a Healer nice
Bespell him once, I'll dispell twice!
Hind-Before:
How'd you get to be a Healer?
Healer:
I traveled for it.
Upstairs, downstairs, all the towers,
I got stuck in one staircase for several hours!
Hind-Before:
What can you cure, then?
Healer:
I can cure the itch, the stitch, the palsy, the gout
Pains within, pains without
The dripsy, the dropsy, the flopsy, the mopsy, the cotton-tail --
Hind-Before:
Can you cure him, then?
Healer:
Hmm. Very sad case. I've seen it before, of course. When my brother annoyed the Noble Arts professor. But yes, I can cure him. However, I'll need my assistant. Come in, Humping Jack and clear the way!
Humping Jack:
In comes I, Humping Jack.
I carry my herbs upon my back.
In my hand a cauldron deep.
The finest ingredients I will steep.
[Cauldron business. Improbable ingredients are listed by Humping Jack, who mimes adding them each to the cauldron, and impossible maneouvres are described for the mixing and stirring. Since this is Hogwarts, a certain amount of gently humorous imitation of Slughorn is to be expected. Humping Jack brews "potion" and hands it to Healer.]
Healer:
Now, I have here my universal panacea, which I call my best golden panacea. I'll put one drop to the nose, and one drop to the heart, And St. George will rise and dance his part.
[Healer mimes giving St. George the remedy.]
Snuff hard, Georgie boy!
[St. George inhales, coughs and thrashes, levitates a bit, and then jumps up good as new.]
Hind-Before:
And here's a thing never seen before.
Rise up, St. George, and dance once more!
Big Head:
In comes I, what ain't been yet,
With my big head and little wit
With my head so big and my wit so small
I'll play a tune to amuse you all.
[Big Head plays a jig. St. George and the other characters dance briefly.]
St. George:
And if you don't believe what I say,
Come in, Moll Finney and clear the way!
Moll Finney:
I am a witch most clever
This tale I commend to you
There's nothing like it ever
And now our play is through!
Our play is through,
We wish you good cheer.
Just give us frogs
And good butterbeer!
Hind-Before:
Good witches and wizards, our sport now is ended.
Our bag must now be recommended.
Our bag would speak, if it had but a tongue,
To say "Throw in Chocolate Frogs, and think it no wrong!"
All sing:
Good master and good mistress, who sit beside the fire
Please give to us just what you wish, that's all that we desire,
We thank you for civility that you have shown us here
And wish you all the best of luck for all the coming year!
[Mummers make the rounds of the head table with a bag, often a pillowcase. The master and mistress in this case are represented by McGonagall and whoever's at head table, and they will have some goodies ready to throw in the bag, as is tradition, for the luck of the year. After the bag, the mummers disappear, take their costumes off, and those who played come back in, feigning complete ignorance of what happened in their absence. This is also tradition.]
Cast of the Hogwarts Mummers Play:
Hind-Before: Ron Weasley
Bold Slasher: Fred Weasley
St George: George Weasley
Big Head: Luna Lovegood
Moll Finney: Melinda Pennifold
Healer: Daphne Greengrass
Humping Jack: Cedric Diggory
*Traditionally there's always somebody in the troupe who sings "we're
all of a simple mind" because there's always somebody like that.
**This is the point at which Madam Umbridge burst in with news and halted the play.
All sing:
We are the guising lads,
We're all of a single* mind
This night we come a-guising
Good nature for to find
This night we come a-guising
As it doth appear
And all that we are guising for
Is frogs and butterbeer!
Hind-Before:
In comes I, old Hind-Before
I comes first, to charm open the door
I come with my wand, all trusty in hand
I comes with me potions and jovial notions!
Christmas comes but once a year,
and when it do, it brings good cheer,
Roast goose, plum pudding and Christmas pie,
and who likes that any better than I?
For we are the merry actors that traverse the street
We are the merry actors that fight for our meat
We are the merry actors that play the pleasant play
And if you don't believe what I say,
Come in, St. George, and clear the way!
St. George:
In come I, St. George, a wizard of courage bold
And by my trusty wand I won ten thousand Galleons gold!
'Twas I who killed the Manticore and sent him to the slaughter
And by that means I woo'd and won the king of Egypt's daughter.
And if you don't believe what I say,
Come in, Bold Slasher, and clear the way!
Bold Slasher:
I am a warrior bold.
Bold Slasher is my name.
And with my trusty wand
I mean to win one game!
St. George:
Ho, ho, that man that comes under my hand,
I'll hex him to smithereens
And send all the pieces over the sea
To make into Bertie Botts beans!
Bold Slasher:
My head is made of brass,
My body made of steel,
I mean to have one victory
Before I leave this field!
St. George:
A battle, a battle, between you and I
To see which on the ground shall lie!
Bold Slasher:
Guard yourself, defend from harm!
I hope you know your countercharms!
[They flourish their obviously fake wands and mock-duel, using outlandish and non-existent spells. One favorite is casting Cone of Cod, in which a rain of (illusory) fish shower down on the target. Finally, Bold Slasher casts an absolute tongue-twister of a fake spell, with a dainty comedic pirouette accompanied by pink and purple smoke. St. George falls, miming that he has been zapped dead and petrified.]
Hind-Before:
Alas, alas, look what you've done!
You've hexed him down like the setting sun!**
Alas, you've killed my son and heir
Who lies enspelled and smoking there.
[Everybody looks. Bold Slasher waves the smoke away and coughs a bit.]
Is there a Healer can be found
To cure my son lying on the ground?
A Healer, a Healer, to do his part!
St. George is petrified to the heart!
A great big paperweight he doth be.
Ten thousand Galleons can't cure he!
Healer:
What give for a Healer?
Hind-Before:
Ten Galleons?
Healer:
No such money.
Hind-Before:
Ten Sickles?
Healer:
Shan't come!
Hind-Before:
Five Knuts and a couple of stale sugar quills?
Healer:
In comes I, a Healer nice
Bespell him once, I'll dispell twice!
Hind-Before:
How'd you get to be a Healer?
Healer:
I traveled for it.
Upstairs, downstairs, all the towers,
I got stuck in one staircase for several hours!
Hind-Before:
What can you cure, then?
Healer:
I can cure the itch, the stitch, the palsy, the gout
Pains within, pains without
The dripsy, the dropsy, the flopsy, the mopsy, the cotton-tail --
Hind-Before:
Can you cure him, then?
Healer:
Hmm. Very sad case. I've seen it before, of course. When my brother annoyed the Noble Arts professor. But yes, I can cure him. However, I'll need my assistant. Come in, Humping Jack and clear the way!
Humping Jack:
In comes I, Humping Jack.
I carry my herbs upon my back.
In my hand a cauldron deep.
The finest ingredients I will steep.
[Cauldron business. Improbable ingredients are listed by Humping Jack, who mimes adding them each to the cauldron, and impossible maneouvres are described for the mixing and stirring. Since this is Hogwarts, a certain amount of gently humorous imitation of Slughorn is to be expected. Humping Jack brews "potion" and hands it to Healer.]
Healer:
Now, I have here my universal panacea, which I call my best golden panacea. I'll put one drop to the nose, and one drop to the heart, And St. George will rise and dance his part.
[Healer mimes giving St. George the remedy.]
Snuff hard, Georgie boy!
[St. George inhales, coughs and thrashes, levitates a bit, and then jumps up good as new.]
Hind-Before:
And here's a thing never seen before.
Rise up, St. George, and dance once more!
Big Head:
In comes I, what ain't been yet,
With my big head and little wit
With my head so big and my wit so small
I'll play a tune to amuse you all.
[Big Head plays a jig. St. George and the other characters dance briefly.]
St. George:
And if you don't believe what I say,
Come in, Moll Finney and clear the way!
Moll Finney:
I am a witch most clever
This tale I commend to you
There's nothing like it ever
And now our play is through!
Our play is through,
We wish you good cheer.
Just give us frogs
And good butterbeer!
Hind-Before:
Good witches and wizards, our sport now is ended.
Our bag must now be recommended.
Our bag would speak, if it had but a tongue,
To say "Throw in Chocolate Frogs, and think it no wrong!"
All sing:
Good master and good mistress, who sit beside the fire
Please give to us just what you wish, that's all that we desire,
We thank you for civility that you have shown us here
And wish you all the best of luck for all the coming year!
[Mummers make the rounds of the head table with a bag, often a pillowcase. The master and mistress in this case are represented by McGonagall and whoever's at head table, and they will have some goodies ready to throw in the bag, as is tradition, for the luck of the year. After the bag, the mummers disappear, take their costumes off, and those who played come back in, feigning complete ignorance of what happened in their absence. This is also tradition.]
Cast of the Hogwarts Mummers Play:
Hind-Before: Ron Weasley
Bold Slasher: Fred Weasley
St George: George Weasley
Big Head: Luna Lovegood
Moll Finney: Melinda Pennifold
Healer: Daphne Greengrass
Humping Jack: Cedric Diggory
*Traditionally there's always somebody in the troupe who sings "we're
all of a simple mind" because there's always somebody like that.
**This is the point at which Madam Umbridge burst in with news and halted the play.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-12-24 06:27 am (UTC)Also: Umbridge. Pah, that horrible woman. I have never hated her more than I did when I read her self-congratulatory post about announcing Arthur's death. (Well played, Umbridge's player! She's perfectly odious.)
no subject
Date: 2012-12-25 05:12 pm (UTC)Ooh. And he's got the lead in the Revue, too. If he wants it, that is.